Saturday, April 7, 2012

A bad dream? Or a warning of some kind?

so i had a bad dream after goin to bed around 3:30am on 4/7/12.

 This dream consisted of my husband Eric, myself,and Cyler our son. It starts off in an apartment, not the place we currently reside.
What i can clearly remember is me not feeling good at all and at first he invited a bunch of his family like Dom and Christian to come over
not a big deal. Then a bunch of other people start showing up, that were supposed to be from his training team, but alot were girls...
They were being really flirty and Eric was being really flirty back.  That pissed me off alot. It progressed to him wanting me to watch Cy
while he went and partied with all these people. It really pissed me off after i guess that day i had worked really hard to clean the place
up.  I wasn't feeling good, he was flirting with these so called girls from his training team that didn't look fit at all and treated me like
-i- shouldn't have been there. I got into it with one saying they had no right to tell me to leave, because apparently they did, and grabbed
her by her skanky shirt, got in her face. I told her that it was my house and -she- had no right to be there, that i was not feeling good
and i didn't appreciate her and a bunch of people being over when i wasn't told. Also, that if she wanted to start a fight that even though
i had lupus and had alot of problems i was going to kick her ass and ruin that pretty little face of hers. In this dream i actually had a
thought process of how i was going to do it too. Everyone was trying to calm me down and tell me to leave. I got pissed and went to talk
to Eric who was in a different room now playing with Cy. I expressed my want for everyone to leave, that i wasn't feeling good and how i
didn't appreciate him inviting people over at that time due to all the shit i was going through. He told me it wasn't a big deal and to
watch Cy so he could go be a good host. I flipped shit and told him to have fun trying to have his "fun" with Cy, because i wasn't going
to be his lap dog and do all this crap for him while he had fun and i didn't feel good. I slammed the door in his face and proceeded to
go back to where everyone was, they must have saw that the shit was hitting the fan...well a few of them, and i stopped them i told them
to go ahead and have their fucking fun but i wasn't going to be a part of it, i was flat out leaving to go to my friend jessica's house.
i felt so hostile and angery and down right dangerous to those girls that were not respecting me. i open the door to leave and stalk
outside. that's where this dream ends and i wake up...i feel fiesty, slightly angry still, hostile still and want to beat something up.

 for some reason this dream i remembered little of has been one of a few i can't make sense of, i would write about the other ones,
but i can't remember them. i just felt the need to record this for future reference. Maybe it's the meds i'm on..

Friday, April 6, 2012

Nasty Irritating FUCKS

I will start this off by saying I have many issues to deal with.  I have bipolar 2 and am trying to deal with it as best I can..but stupid motherfuckers make it hard! These are just a few of the irritations that have been really riding my ass tonight.

First off lets touch upon keepin yourself clean..Keep it fuckin Hygenic! Wash yourself..fuckin brush your teeth..take a fuckin bath and wash your fuckin clothes! Certianly if your ass is above the age of 10, come on now! You should have been taught this shit when you were a toddler! It's good and well to be clean and pleasently presented....DO NOT come up to me to speak words near my face or even 5 feet from me if you haven't brushed your teeth in months...years..or days. I don't want you funky breath all up in my face. The reaction isn't me trying to think really hard on your comment or issue..I'm tryin to keep myself from throwin up! If you can't get your ass up and get in the shower at age 12 and wash yourself..There's somethin fuckin wrong. If you can't brush your hair every day..somethin is fuckin wrong..if you are constantly scratching your genitles (whither or not anyone is around or not) do it discretly and wash your fuckin hands afterwards. DO NOT offer me unwrapped candy or food if you haven't washed your hands, bitch. I don't want to get AIDS. Not implying she has AIDS..jus sayin. You're old enough to take care of yourself. Stop being the stinky kid in class and stop acting like the world revolves around you, though if you keep eating you may disrupt the gravitational pull.

Second rant incoming after this, it's a delicate subject.